My good friend Amy does a "Mommy Confessions" every week on her blog, and I really enjoy it, so (in an attempt to a. stay awake and b. write a new blog post) I thought I'd give it a whirl too.
Copied from her blog Render Me Mama :
Ok, so we all have them. I have decided its time to stop keeping them to myself in hopes that other mommies will realize that none of us are perfect. Here are my dirty little secrets for the week in hopes it will encourage me to be better. What are yours?
What are mine, Amy? Let me tell you...
1. A couple of weeks ago, after a 45 min car ride - 20 mins of which Madeline was FUH-REAK-ING out, I hurriedly parked the car, got out, ran around the back to get her... and realized that I locked the doors. With my keys AND MY CHILD inside. Panic ensued.
Thankfully, it was a nice day for once - only in the 70s, so I didn't have to worry about her dying of heat stroke, and the window was cracked... not cracked wide enough for me to fit my arm in, however. After running inside the center I was at and telling them what happened, asking anyone that could to help me to please come and try to break into my car and rescue my baby I got on the phone with AAA. They say that they'll send a locksmith and the fire department, but it could take up to 30 mins. More crying ensued. On my part. Madeline hadn't ever stopped crying in the first place. While we're waiting for the locksmith and/or fire department to show up the people from the center magically got my car open by using an umbrella and a tent pole. A tent pole? yes, a tent pole. I don't know who had a tent pole in their trunk, but I'm glad they did!
I immediately scooped up Madeline, apologizing to her a thousand times. She stopped crying immediately and fell asleep in my arms after her ordeal. I'm suuuuuper paranoid now and check that the keys are in my hand about a million times before I close the door.
2. Madeline never spits up. Seriously, she's spit up maybe a total of 4 or 5 times in her 2.5 months of life. But there was this one time... that I'm about to tell you about... that may help secure my trophy for Mother of the Year if the locking my baby in my car story didn't already win me that title.
So, last week Madeline would NOT go to sleep. She was fighting sleeping, crying, fussing, squirming, etc. WOULD.NOT.GO.TO.SLEEP. Her bedtime routine started at 7:30. I wasn't able to lay her down until after 10:30. That's over 3 hours people! So... I lay her down - FINALLY - and start clearing off my bed so I can lay down. And I hear the distinct sound of a spit-up-burp. I stop dead in my tracks. OH NO, SHE'S AWAKE AND COVERED IN SPIT UP. But, she's not crying. So, I tip-toe to her bed. Perhaps she just burped? I feel around her mattress, in front of her face, to see if it's wet. Nope, not wet. I don't know what made me think to feel behind her head, but I did and whatdoyouknow... spit up. She had spit up and then turned her head the opposite direction and laid her head IN THE BARF. But, she continued to sleep. It didn't wake her up.
Being the ever-loving mother that I am, I did what I thought would be best... but now looking back I know that I was wrong... I tiptoed over to her diaper drawer and pulled out a prefold. I brought it back with me to her bed, GENTLY lifted her head and slid the diaper on top of the spit up - under her head - and laid her head back down.
That's right, people. I didn't clean the spit up off my daughter's head or her bed. I just covered it up and let her sleep. With barf in her hair.
Calm down. I bathed her in the morning and did bedding laundry. But, the fact that I did that in the first place is pretty bad... and I can't un-do it. Oops.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alright. Those are my Mommy Confessions for now. Like I said... I'm expecting my Mother of the Year award to come in the mail ANY day now. Hopefully I made a few of you laugh. But, hopefully I won't be doing anything else quite that bad anytime soon.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Sometimes life is hard
I'm going to apologize ahead of time - this post may be a bit rambly.
I get it now. Breastfeeding is seriously hard. Some people get the hang of it easy-peasy, others struggle. I do not blame anyone who gives up, because it's f**king hard. And not just physically, but emotionally too. The pressure and guilt we mommas inflict on ourselves is brutal. I never doubted I would breastfeed my child(ren). It's what is nutritionally best, it is a special gift and bond between mother and child, and it's natural - Hello! But here I am 9 weeks out of the gate pumping every 2 hours. (or as close to every 2 hours as I can, Madeline doesn't let me set her down for very long before meltdown number 836 of the day starts up.) We have latch issues up in here! At first I was using a nipple shield. That was an inconvenience, but it got us nursing so it was worth it. But then her suck got too strong and she started injuring my nip. (I'll spare you the gory details!) There is also the reoccurring thrush. Thrush was, obviously, invented by Satan himself. I've had it 3 times in 2 months. I'm trying to get rid if it currently. I am not strong like other mommas and can NOT nurse through that pain. So, I pump and bottle feed her my milk. I've spent probably close to $500 on getting help from Lactation Consultants to try to fix her latch and buying supplements to try to increase my supply. It's emotionally draining to feel like you're UNABLE to do what you're supposed to do. I figure I'll give nursing one more Hoo-rah after this thrush is (hopefully) completely gone, but if I'm in tears again at every feeding I'll just suck it up and continue pumping for as long as I can.
Ok, I want to give all you moms with happy-go-lucky babies a high five. Actually, out of pure jealousy and immaturity, I want to give you the middle finger. I know it's not your fault, but it's not fair dammit. Madeline is a fussy baby. She's opinionated and a bit of a drama queen. She's crying or screaming more than she's smiling and cooing - and she makes you work for her smiles! (But, oh! I love them so!!) I totally get that people want to see/hear happy babies. I get that they want to "fix" an unhappy baby. But they need to get that Jeff and I are trying EVERY.SINGLE.THING we can to get Madeline to simmer down, but she's not having it. (we've consulted her pediatrician who has assured us she's perfectly fine and healthy - just fussy.) So, we try to remind ourselves to take a deep breath and just ride her waves. This too shall pass. She will eventually realize that we're not trying to starve her to death if her bottle isn't ready BEFORE she wakes up. She will eventually realize that we're there to help when we lay her down to change her diaper. She'll eventually realize that if she startles herself awake while napping that WE didn't pinch her awake, it's not OUR fault! She'll eventually realize that when we put the onesie over her head we're NOT trying to snuff her out! I have a feeling that she will always be an opinionated, emotional, outspoken child (what goes around, comes around I guess!) but I can hope that she learns to reel it in a little bit before I lose my marbles!
People have asked me, "How are you doing? Any baby blues?" And I'm not really sure how to take it. Do I look like I'm at the end of the rope, about to snap? I mean, sure. I'm exhausted. I'm emotional. I am not all sunshine and rainbows 24/7. But I don't think about hurting myself or Madeline. I'm just overwhelmed. I'm still adjusting. I'm throwing out all of my preconceived notions and trying to figure this child out. I don't think I have PPD. Thank you for any concern though. Being a mom is hard work, though and I just need some time to get used to it. Not to mention the other non-motherhood-related stuff that I have going on.
For instance, my grandfather passed away on October 9th. Even though we knew it was coming since he'd been sick for so long, it's still hard. It's hard to know that I can NEVER talk to him again. It's hard to not have any grandparents left. My grandmother passed away suddenly while I was pregnant, and now my grandfather is gone too. It's definitely hard to grieve when you've got a baby. You don't really have time to reflect and mourn the loss. You don't have time to break down. So it builds up and you end up crying, dripping tears on your child's head, at 11:00 at night when she just WON'T.GO.TO.SLEEP.
I'm trying though. I'm trying the best that I can. I'm not trying to be Supermom, I'm just trying to not ruin my daughter. Hopefully all the work and worry will pay off in the long run.
On a positive note:
Fellow hippies rejoice! I LOVE cloth diapering! Besides the environmental benefits, I love matching her diapers to her outfit! She just outgrew the newborn sized BumGenius diapers and we've moved into primarily size Small FuzziBunz. However, some of her convertible one-size diapers fit her already! They're much bulkier than the sized diapers, but still sssooo cute and fluffy! I love diaper fluff! I just ordered more size small FuzziBunz in BRIGHT colors and I'm super excited about getting them in the mail. Cloth diapering is like an addiction. I literally have to talk myself out of buying every cute diaper I see!
Madeline and Jeff (and other people sometimes, if you're lucky) play this game where Jeff will stick out his tongue at Maddy and she'll scrunch up her eyebrows - concentrating - and then do it back. They both laugh about it, and then they start over. It's the cutest thing to see the gears working in her mind. "Ok... how'd he do that? Can I do it too?" and then she does it. She's so proud of herself when she does it back to him. And as silly as it seems, I'm proud of her too. She's a smart, curious girl and she LOVES her Daddy. ♥
.JPG)
Hopefully it won't be as long till I update again, and hopefully I'll have more pictures to post. But until then - xoxo!
I get it now. Breastfeeding is seriously hard. Some people get the hang of it easy-peasy, others struggle. I do not blame anyone who gives up, because it's f**king hard. And not just physically, but emotionally too. The pressure and guilt we mommas inflict on ourselves is brutal. I never doubted I would breastfeed my child(ren). It's what is nutritionally best, it is a special gift and bond between mother and child, and it's natural - Hello! But here I am 9 weeks out of the gate pumping every 2 hours. (or as close to every 2 hours as I can, Madeline doesn't let me set her down for very long before meltdown number 836 of the day starts up.) We have latch issues up in here! At first I was using a nipple shield. That was an inconvenience, but it got us nursing so it was worth it. But then her suck got too strong and she started injuring my nip. (I'll spare you the gory details!) There is also the reoccurring thrush. Thrush was, obviously, invented by Satan himself. I've had it 3 times in 2 months. I'm trying to get rid if it currently. I am not strong like other mommas and can NOT nurse through that pain. So, I pump and bottle feed her my milk. I've spent probably close to $500 on getting help from Lactation Consultants to try to fix her latch and buying supplements to try to increase my supply. It's emotionally draining to feel like you're UNABLE to do what you're supposed to do. I figure I'll give nursing one more Hoo-rah after this thrush is (hopefully) completely gone, but if I'm in tears again at every feeding I'll just suck it up and continue pumping for as long as I can.
Ok, I want to give all you moms with happy-go-lucky babies a high five. Actually, out of pure jealousy and immaturity, I want to give you the middle finger. I know it's not your fault, but it's not fair dammit. Madeline is a fussy baby. She's opinionated and a bit of a drama queen. She's crying or screaming more than she's smiling and cooing - and she makes you work for her smiles! (But, oh! I love them so!!) I totally get that people want to see/hear happy babies. I get that they want to "fix" an unhappy baby. But they need to get that Jeff and I are trying EVERY.SINGLE.THING we can to get Madeline to simmer down, but she's not having it. (we've consulted her pediatrician who has assured us she's perfectly fine and healthy - just fussy.) So, we try to remind ourselves to take a deep breath and just ride her waves. This too shall pass. She will eventually realize that we're not trying to starve her to death if her bottle isn't ready BEFORE she wakes up. She will eventually realize that we're there to help when we lay her down to change her diaper. She'll eventually realize that if she startles herself awake while napping that WE didn't pinch her awake, it's not OUR fault! She'll eventually realize that when we put the onesie over her head we're NOT trying to snuff her out! I have a feeling that she will always be an opinionated, emotional, outspoken child (what goes around, comes around I guess!) but I can hope that she learns to reel it in a little bit before I lose my marbles!
People have asked me, "How are you doing? Any baby blues?" And I'm not really sure how to take it. Do I look like I'm at the end of the rope, about to snap? I mean, sure. I'm exhausted. I'm emotional. I am not all sunshine and rainbows 24/7. But I don't think about hurting myself or Madeline. I'm just overwhelmed. I'm still adjusting. I'm throwing out all of my preconceived notions and trying to figure this child out. I don't think I have PPD. Thank you for any concern though. Being a mom is hard work, though and I just need some time to get used to it. Not to mention the other non-motherhood-related stuff that I have going on.
For instance, my grandfather passed away on October 9th. Even though we knew it was coming since he'd been sick for so long, it's still hard. It's hard to know that I can NEVER talk to him again. It's hard to not have any grandparents left. My grandmother passed away suddenly while I was pregnant, and now my grandfather is gone too. It's definitely hard to grieve when you've got a baby. You don't really have time to reflect and mourn the loss. You don't have time to break down. So it builds up and you end up crying, dripping tears on your child's head, at 11:00 at night when she just WON'T.GO.TO.SLEEP.
I'm trying though. I'm trying the best that I can. I'm not trying to be Supermom, I'm just trying to not ruin my daughter. Hopefully all the work and worry will pay off in the long run.
On a positive note:
Fellow hippies rejoice! I LOVE cloth diapering! Besides the environmental benefits, I love matching her diapers to her outfit! She just outgrew the newborn sized BumGenius diapers and we've moved into primarily size Small FuzziBunz. However, some of her convertible one-size diapers fit her already! They're much bulkier than the sized diapers, but still sssooo cute and fluffy! I love diaper fluff! I just ordered more size small FuzziBunz in BRIGHT colors and I'm super excited about getting them in the mail. Cloth diapering is like an addiction. I literally have to talk myself out of buying every cute diaper I see!
Madeline and Jeff (and other people sometimes, if you're lucky) play this game where Jeff will stick out his tongue at Maddy and she'll scrunch up her eyebrows - concentrating - and then do it back. They both laugh about it, and then they start over. It's the cutest thing to see the gears working in her mind. "Ok... how'd he do that? Can I do it too?" and then she does it. She's so proud of herself when she does it back to him. And as silly as it seems, I'm proud of her too. She's a smart, curious girl and she LOVES her Daddy. ♥
.JPG)
Hopefully it won't be as long till I update again, and hopefully I'll have more pictures to post. But until then - xoxo!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Madeline's favorite things
I have yet to write up Madeline's birth story because for one thing it all happened so fast that my head was spinning, and for another thing - no one made it clear just HOW out of it you are in the weeks following the birth of your first child. She will be 4 weeks old tomorrow and I have NO CLUE where the time went! I will say though that I'm so over the moon in love with this baby, no one could have prepared me for how intense this love would be. Now that she's here I can't imagine life without her. ♥
Much of her first four weeks of life has been spent trying to figure out what makes her happy... or even, what makes her less pissed... this is what I've found so far:
1.
BumGenius all in one cloth diapers. We have 16 newborn sized BG cloth diapers that get used and washed in a 24 hour rotation. We used disposables while I was in the hospital and for the first week we were home since I couldn't reach into the washing machine to do the diaper laundry (thanks to my c-section incision) but they left her little thighs rubbed raw and they irritated her belly button, and because disposables are so absorbent it made it hard to tell how many wet diapers she was having per day - which as a first time, breast feeding, mom that is something that stresses you out if you think your child isn't have enough wet diapers. She and I have been much happier with the BG cloth diapers!! They're WAY cuter and doing one extra small load of laundry a day isn't a big deal at all - and SUCH a money saver! cha-ching!
2.
Aden+Anais swaddle blankets have been a lifesaver! The muslin they're made out of is the perfect material for a summer baby, born in Las Vegas! They're lightweight and breathable, but super big so I can get a good, tight, swaddle on her. Madeline likes to sleep with her arms up above her head, but what she likes and what is good for her are different things. When she's older I'm sure she'll do plenty of sleeping with her arms above her head, but for now in her 4 week old life she can't. See, she still has a pretty strong startle reflex and if you leave her arms free she jerks and flails her arms around any time a sound scares her and it wakes her up. She feels more secure and sleeps for solid chunks of time if she's swaddled. A baby who sleeps in solid 3-6 hour blocks of time at night makes for a happy Mommy. :)
3.
Fisher-Price Ocean Wonders Seahorse. It's like a modern day glow worm and it's damn near magical! We can lay Madeline down drowsy, push this seahorse's tummy and magically she lays there quietly until she falls asleep. Sure, I may have to push his tummy 3 times in a row, because the minute the music stops playing she starts stirring and coo-ing her self into a fussy mess, but as long as it plays until she's asleep she's a happy girl. When we first brought her home she liked when we SSSHHHHHed in her ear when she was upset, but it doesn't work like it used to. Now, unless she's in full blown melt down mode, we can start the seahorse's music and it calms her down enough to bring back the happy baby we both love so much.
That's pretty much it, so far. She's starting to sleep less in the day (and more at night, thank goodness!) so we're going to have to start doing more to entertain her during the day. I'm sure we'll figure out more of her favorites in the coming weeks and if there's anything that really stands out I'll be sure to let you all know...
I'm really looking forward to the next month or so when we'll be on the look out for her first REAL smile, and to the holidays! I have the sneaking suspicion that the holidays are going to mean so much more now that we have our sweet Bean to share them with!! ♥
Oh, and just for good measure - a sweet picture of my sweet girl.
Much of her first four weeks of life has been spent trying to figure out what makes her happy... or even, what makes her less pissed... this is what I've found so far:
1.
BumGenius all in one cloth diapers. We have 16 newborn sized BG cloth diapers that get used and washed in a 24 hour rotation. We used disposables while I was in the hospital and for the first week we were home since I couldn't reach into the washing machine to do the diaper laundry (thanks to my c-section incision) but they left her little thighs rubbed raw and they irritated her belly button, and because disposables are so absorbent it made it hard to tell how many wet diapers she was having per day - which as a first time, breast feeding, mom that is something that stresses you out if you think your child isn't have enough wet diapers. She and I have been much happier with the BG cloth diapers!! They're WAY cuter and doing one extra small load of laundry a day isn't a big deal at all - and SUCH a money saver! cha-ching!
2.
Aden+Anais swaddle blankets have been a lifesaver! The muslin they're made out of is the perfect material for a summer baby, born in Las Vegas! They're lightweight and breathable, but super big so I can get a good, tight, swaddle on her. Madeline likes to sleep with her arms up above her head, but what she likes and what is good for her are different things. When she's older I'm sure she'll do plenty of sleeping with her arms above her head, but for now in her 4 week old life she can't. See, she still has a pretty strong startle reflex and if you leave her arms free she jerks and flails her arms around any time a sound scares her and it wakes her up. She feels more secure and sleeps for solid chunks of time if she's swaddled. A baby who sleeps in solid 3-6 hour blocks of time at night makes for a happy Mommy. :)
3.
Fisher-Price Ocean Wonders Seahorse. It's like a modern day glow worm and it's damn near magical! We can lay Madeline down drowsy, push this seahorse's tummy and magically she lays there quietly until she falls asleep. Sure, I may have to push his tummy 3 times in a row, because the minute the music stops playing she starts stirring and coo-ing her self into a fussy mess, but as long as it plays until she's asleep she's a happy girl. When we first brought her home she liked when we SSSHHHHHed in her ear when she was upset, but it doesn't work like it used to. Now, unless she's in full blown melt down mode, we can start the seahorse's music and it calms her down enough to bring back the happy baby we both love so much.
That's pretty much it, so far. She's starting to sleep less in the day (and more at night, thank goodness!) so we're going to have to start doing more to entertain her during the day. I'm sure we'll figure out more of her favorites in the coming weeks and if there's anything that really stands out I'll be sure to let you all know...
I'm really looking forward to the next month or so when we'll be on the look out for her first REAL smile, and to the holidays! I have the sneaking suspicion that the holidays are going to mean so much more now that we have our sweet Bean to share them with!! ♥
Oh, and just for good measure - a sweet picture of my sweet girl.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
It's the final countdown!
OK..... update from my breech baby post... Madeline isn't exactly swimming in her amniotic fluid anymore. There's not enough to make it safe for my OB to attempt to flip her manually via the external cephalic version... and truth be told, I don't believe that there's enough for her to turn on her own anymore. (The Dr and high-risk ultrasound tech say the same thing, and for once I don't think they're full of crap.) At 38 weeks pregnant you'd expect to be able to measure between 10 and 25cms of fluid around the baby on an u/s... when the high risk u/s tech measured my fluid levels she only could measure 6.8cms. Not low enough to be considered a life-and-death risk (that's below 5cm) but definitely too low to try to move her from the outside. There's not a lot of cushion around her... she's no longer swimming in the deep end, it's more like she's wading ankle deep in the kiddie pool.
So, if you've been following along you know that that means I'm destined for a c-section.
At first I was really really upset about it. I felt defeated and like I had somehow failed at the whole 'growing a baby properly' task I had been given 9 months ago. I cried, a lot, in the Drs office. I cried while telling my mom. I cried while updating friends via text. And I tried to not get defensive when people all tried to console me with silly comments such as;
"At least you know her birthday ahead of time!"
"At least your hoo-ha won't get messed up!"
"At least you don't have to worry about ruining your car/bed when your water breaks."
"At least you'll get to milk-it after she's born because you'll get to have everyone do everything for you!"
"At least you'll get to stay in the hospital for longer... the more time you can spend there, means less of your own laundry and food will be used."
Et Cetera.
I know people were genuinely trying to make me feel better, but really - it didn't help. I was heartbroken that I would have to have major abdominal surgery in order to safely bring my child into the world. It meant that I would have to be dependent on others after Madeline is born instead of being able to just get up and do what needs to be done. It means that I would be stuck in the hospital for 3-5 days when all I want to do is be home starting our new life with our new daughter. (It's a hospital for goodness sake, not the Hilton!) And I would have gladly traded all those "comforts" to be able to do it naturally.
But, after a day of feeling horribly defeated I started to look for positives.
Madeline is still healthy and safe inside of me. She made it full term. She will be ok. I will have a healthy baby to bring home with me in just over a week.
As of now, she still has enough fluid in there to 'breathe' and thrive. (I go back in to the high-risk u/s office on Monday and Thursday to monitor her fluid levels. If they drop below 5cm I'll have to be sectioned asap. Low fluid levels become dangerous because the baby can compress the umbilical cord and essentially suffocate because they can't get any oxygen through a squished cord.)
I do get to know when she'll be here, so I have time to prepare to the best of my ability. I'll be able to have one last date night with just Jeff and I as a married couple sans child(ren). I'll be able to leisurely take a shower and relax the night before the cesarean section. I'll be able to double and triple check my hospital bag to make sure I have all the essentials. I'll be able to take some last minute photos of my belly. I'll be able to cuddle my puppies as much as they'll let me for the last time before they have to share me. (All of this is contingent on the fact that she doesn't decide to come sooner, on her own, before the section date.)
I've had time to clear my head and put together a cesarean birth plan to (try to) ensure that while it's not my ideal birth, that it'll still be the best that it can be.
And, again, I'll have my perfect, healthy, wonderful, beautiful daughter in my arms in one short week.
In a week's time I'm going to be a REAL mom! I can't believe this pregnancy is almost over! I can't believe I'm going to meet Madeline so soon! I can't believe this.is.it.
I'm ready for this all consuming love that I'm about to experience. I'm ready to meet my daughter.
I'm ready. ♥
So, if you've been following along you know that that means I'm destined for a c-section.
At first I was really really upset about it. I felt defeated and like I had somehow failed at the whole 'growing a baby properly' task I had been given 9 months ago. I cried, a lot, in the Drs office. I cried while telling my mom. I cried while updating friends via text. And I tried to not get defensive when people all tried to console me with silly comments such as;
"At least you know her birthday ahead of time!"
"At least your hoo-ha won't get messed up!"
"At least you don't have to worry about ruining your car/bed when your water breaks."
"At least you'll get to milk-it after she's born because you'll get to have everyone do everything for you!"
"At least you'll get to stay in the hospital for longer... the more time you can spend there, means less of your own laundry and food will be used."
Et Cetera.
I know people were genuinely trying to make me feel better, but really - it didn't help. I was heartbroken that I would have to have major abdominal surgery in order to safely bring my child into the world. It meant that I would have to be dependent on others after Madeline is born instead of being able to just get up and do what needs to be done. It means that I would be stuck in the hospital for 3-5 days when all I want to do is be home starting our new life with our new daughter. (It's a hospital for goodness sake, not the Hilton!) And I would have gladly traded all those "comforts" to be able to do it naturally.
But, after a day of feeling horribly defeated I started to look for positives.
Madeline is still healthy and safe inside of me. She made it full term. She will be ok. I will have a healthy baby to bring home with me in just over a week.
As of now, she still has enough fluid in there to 'breathe' and thrive. (I go back in to the high-risk u/s office on Monday and Thursday to monitor her fluid levels. If they drop below 5cm I'll have to be sectioned asap. Low fluid levels become dangerous because the baby can compress the umbilical cord and essentially suffocate because they can't get any oxygen through a squished cord.)
I do get to know when she'll be here, so I have time to prepare to the best of my ability. I'll be able to have one last date night with just Jeff and I as a married couple sans child(ren). I'll be able to leisurely take a shower and relax the night before the cesarean section. I'll be able to double and triple check my hospital bag to make sure I have all the essentials. I'll be able to take some last minute photos of my belly. I'll be able to cuddle my puppies as much as they'll let me for the last time before they have to share me. (All of this is contingent on the fact that she doesn't decide to come sooner, on her own, before the section date.)
I've had time to clear my head and put together a cesarean birth plan to (try to) ensure that while it's not my ideal birth, that it'll still be the best that it can be.
And, again, I'll have my perfect, healthy, wonderful, beautiful daughter in my arms in one short week.
In a week's time I'm going to be a REAL mom! I can't believe this pregnancy is almost over! I can't believe I'm going to meet Madeline so soon! I can't believe this.is.it.
I'm ready for this all consuming love that I'm about to experience. I'm ready to meet my daughter.
I'm ready. ♥
Monday, July 26, 2010
Breech
Madeline is a stubborn girl with her own agenda and is making it known to me now, that SHE is in control of things around here - not me.
Her position was first noticed/mentioned at a follow up ultrasound appointment that I had at 31 weeks pregnant. The Dr. causually mentioned "Hmm, she appears to be breech... BUT don't worry, she still has plenty of time to turn to the head-down position."
Telling ME not to worry about something is pointless, so when I got home I immediately looked into the policies/laws regarding breech births in my state as well as exercises and techniques I could do on my own to try to persuade her to flip into the correct position sooner than later.
My Dr will NOT deliver a breech baby vaginally. Neither will any of the midwives in the organization that my doula is a member of. None of the hospitals I contacted would knowingly deliver a breech baby in their facility. I was beginning to panic. While some people may suggest that I have an unassisted homebirth, or just wait until I'm in VERY active labor (read: ready to push) and then just show up unplanned at the hospital and give birth vaginally because there is no other option - those options aren't right for me or for our family. I'm a planner, and I was a girl scout for my entire academic career - so I'm way too honest to lie/omit my "plan" and just wing it once I'm in labor.
I immediately starting doing two different inversion techniques found on www.spinningbabies.com to try to help her flip to head-down on a daily basis.
This one I do for 20-30 minutes at a time with an ironing board and it KILLS my hips:
This one is much easier, but I can only do it for about a minute and a half before I can't breathe and my face starts to go numb:
So far, neither has worked. I'm currently 36 weeks, 3 days pregnant. Typically, babies should be in the head-down position around week 32. I've heard many-a-success story about babies that flip at 37, 38 or even 39 weeks of pregnancy... but with every day that passes and her head remains JAMMED up into my ribs I worry that it's just not going to happen.
I will have another ultrasound next Wednesday and if she's STILL breech my OB will check if her umbilical cord is long enough, if she has enough amniotic fluid surrounding her and the general health/condition of my uterus to see if I qualify for her to attempt to manually flip Maddy via an External Cephalic Version.
the upbeat music kills me
*IF* she attempts the ECV, it is truly a last ditch effort to give me the opportunity to have a natural birth. But, it is not without risk. I would have to be admitted to the hospital, put on an IV and monitored JUST IN CASE all the pushing and prodding puts the baby into distress, or in extreme circumstances if it breaks my water.
Statistically, ECVs are successful about 53% of the time. Not great odds, I know. My Dr. said that in her 12 years of practicing she's performed between 150 and 200 ECVs and has been successful about 70% of the time. She said that she's never had the ECV attempt induce someone's labor - or break their water - but did make it clear that it doesn't always work, and it may be a bit painful. I'm hopeful that she'll flip on her own before then, or that the ECV will work if/when I go in for the procedure.
*IF* she just REFUSES to flip, I will have to have a c-section. Something that I'm not wanting, or looking forward to, but I understand that I'll do what I have to do to ensure that Madeline is born in a safe, healthy, manor.
So... that's what's been going on with us lately. I hadn't wanted to mention her breech position before now because I thought I might jinx something if I did... but now that I'm ALMOST full term (Hell-o?! I'm full term in 4 days!!!) and we're running out of time - and room - for her to flip on her own I figured I'd suck it up and explain the situation thats going on in case I end up having a c-section.
I'll keep ya posted. ;)
Her position was first noticed/mentioned at a follow up ultrasound appointment that I had at 31 weeks pregnant. The Dr. causually mentioned "Hmm, she appears to be breech... BUT don't worry, she still has plenty of time to turn to the head-down position."
Telling ME not to worry about something is pointless, so when I got home I immediately looked into the policies/laws regarding breech births in my state as well as exercises and techniques I could do on my own to try to persuade her to flip into the correct position sooner than later.
My Dr will NOT deliver a breech baby vaginally. Neither will any of the midwives in the organization that my doula is a member of. None of the hospitals I contacted would knowingly deliver a breech baby in their facility. I was beginning to panic. While some people may suggest that I have an unassisted homebirth, or just wait until I'm in VERY active labor (read: ready to push) and then just show up unplanned at the hospital and give birth vaginally because there is no other option - those options aren't right for me or for our family. I'm a planner, and I was a girl scout for my entire academic career - so I'm way too honest to lie/omit my "plan" and just wing it once I'm in labor.
I immediately starting doing two different inversion techniques found on www.spinningbabies.com to try to help her flip to head-down on a daily basis.
This one I do for 20-30 minutes at a time with an ironing board and it KILLS my hips:
This one is much easier, but I can only do it for about a minute and a half before I can't breathe and my face starts to go numb:
So far, neither has worked. I'm currently 36 weeks, 3 days pregnant. Typically, babies should be in the head-down position around week 32. I've heard many-a-success story about babies that flip at 37, 38 or even 39 weeks of pregnancy... but with every day that passes and her head remains JAMMED up into my ribs I worry that it's just not going to happen.
I will have another ultrasound next Wednesday and if she's STILL breech my OB will check if her umbilical cord is long enough, if she has enough amniotic fluid surrounding her and the general health/condition of my uterus to see if I qualify for her to attempt to manually flip Maddy via an External Cephalic Version.
the upbeat music kills me
*IF* she attempts the ECV, it is truly a last ditch effort to give me the opportunity to have a natural birth. But, it is not without risk. I would have to be admitted to the hospital, put on an IV and monitored JUST IN CASE all the pushing and prodding puts the baby into distress, or in extreme circumstances if it breaks my water.
Statistically, ECVs are successful about 53% of the time. Not great odds, I know. My Dr. said that in her 12 years of practicing she's performed between 150 and 200 ECVs and has been successful about 70% of the time. She said that she's never had the ECV attempt induce someone's labor - or break their water - but did make it clear that it doesn't always work, and it may be a bit painful. I'm hopeful that she'll flip on her own before then, or that the ECV will work if/when I go in for the procedure.
*IF* she just REFUSES to flip, I will have to have a c-section. Something that I'm not wanting, or looking forward to, but I understand that I'll do what I have to do to ensure that Madeline is born in a safe, healthy, manor.
So... that's what's been going on with us lately. I hadn't wanted to mention her breech position before now because I thought I might jinx something if I did... but now that I'm ALMOST full term (Hell-o?! I'm full term in 4 days!!!) and we're running out of time - and room - for her to flip on her own I figured I'd suck it up and explain the situation thats going on in case I end up having a c-section.
I'll keep ya posted. ;)
Monday, July 12, 2010
I'm a lucky girl!
As I'm sure any 8+ month pregnant lady will tell you, pregnancy eventually becomes pretty uncomfortable. Especially if you're 8+ months pregnant in the summer. Especially if you live in Las Vegas where it's normal for it to be 110*F in the summer.
I've never been a summer girl. I've always gotten wilty in the heat. I just can't deal with it being THIS hot. Now that I'm 8+ months pregnant I REALLY can't handle the heat. I'm sweating non-stop, my temp seems to go from 0-60 in 2 seconds of stepping outside, and it usually takes me over an hour to cool back down.
There's only so much you can do to try to stay cool. You can only wear so little clothing before it's indecent, and when you're pregnant it's even harder because you want to stay looking modest. Let me point one thing out - these elastic belly panels in maternity pants are NO BUENO when it's summertime!! You can only eat so many popsicles before your unborn baby goes into a sugar overload! And we don't have a pool.
Well, we DIDN'T have a pool. Jeff bought me a little kiddie pool!! It's only 5'5" across, and you can only get about 2' of water in it, but it's still a pool!! I now have somewhere to lounge around and cool off! I'm a much happier girl when I'm not overheated!!
Jeff is more than happy to lug the pool out of the house, put it out back and fill it up for me when I just can't take the heat any longer. He has no interest in getting in it with me (lol!) but sits outside - in the heat, no less! - in a patio chair to keep me company! I'd love to make it a family affair, but Rambo doesn't have any interest in "swimming" with me either. Roxanne however loves the pool!! It's not deep enough for her to actually swim, but she tries!! She slow-motion swims/marches in the water around in circles trying to catch the waves. haha! She also goes snorkelling underwater to try to "catch" the label on the bottom that warns you that you can't dive into the pool. (Thanks for that, warning label. If it weren't for you, I'd totally try to dive in!) She's pretty funny in the pool, and she also enjoys cooling down in there!
mid-shake! action shot!!
We're both so thankful that Jeff loves us enough to get us a silly pool! ♥
8+ month pregnant women will also tell you that there are things you just can't do for yourself anymore.
Case in point: painting my toenails has become IMPOSSIBLE!!!
I hadn't painted my nails since my baby shower and they were in desperate need of a polish change!! So, yesterday I sat down on the bathroom floor, got out the nail polish remover and cotton balls and went to work! About 10 minutes and a LOT of huffing and puffing later I only had two nails wiped clean and I declared that I just can't do this!
Jeff sort of chuckled at me, but when I informed him I was serious and that I would need his help he obliged without too much protesting! He wiped all my nails clean, even though apparently the feel of cotton balls creep him out! (This is news to me. I didn't realize cotton balls were something that could give you the heebee-jeebies, but he says the crunchy feel of a dry cotton ball is like nails on a chalk board to him!)
As if that wasn't sweet enough of him, when I declared that I couldn't have plain nails he even painted some clear polish on them for me! (I requested clear so that it won't be noticeable when I need a polish change... I don't plan on subjecting him to this again. Haha!)
He went with me to get the car seat inspected, to ensure we were installing it properly and went with me to a breastfeeding class offered by the hospital! He never complains about these things. He just does them. He supports me and humors me.
Sometimes I take him for granted, but I don't ever mean to. He's really great to me - he really is my best friend. It's the little things that he does that make me so thankful that I have him, by my side, for the rest of forever. ♥
I've never been a summer girl. I've always gotten wilty in the heat. I just can't deal with it being THIS hot. Now that I'm 8+ months pregnant I REALLY can't handle the heat. I'm sweating non-stop, my temp seems to go from 0-60 in 2 seconds of stepping outside, and it usually takes me over an hour to cool back down.
There's only so much you can do to try to stay cool. You can only wear so little clothing before it's indecent, and when you're pregnant it's even harder because you want to stay looking modest. Let me point one thing out - these elastic belly panels in maternity pants are NO BUENO when it's summertime!! You can only eat so many popsicles before your unborn baby goes into a sugar overload! And we don't have a pool.
Well, we DIDN'T have a pool. Jeff bought me a little kiddie pool!! It's only 5'5" across, and you can only get about 2' of water in it, but it's still a pool!! I now have somewhere to lounge around and cool off! I'm a much happier girl when I'm not overheated!!
Jeff is more than happy to lug the pool out of the house, put it out back and fill it up for me when I just can't take the heat any longer. He has no interest in getting in it with me (lol!) but sits outside - in the heat, no less! - in a patio chair to keep me company! I'd love to make it a family affair, but Rambo doesn't have any interest in "swimming" with me either. Roxanne however loves the pool!! It's not deep enough for her to actually swim, but she tries!! She slow-motion swims/marches in the water around in circles trying to catch the waves. haha! She also goes snorkelling underwater to try to "catch" the label on the bottom that warns you that you can't dive into the pool. (Thanks for that, warning label. If it weren't for you, I'd totally try to dive in!) She's pretty funny in the pool, and she also enjoys cooling down in there!
mid-shake! action shot!!
We're both so thankful that Jeff loves us enough to get us a silly pool! ♥
8+ month pregnant women will also tell you that there are things you just can't do for yourself anymore.
Case in point: painting my toenails has become IMPOSSIBLE!!!
I hadn't painted my nails since my baby shower and they were in desperate need of a polish change!! So, yesterday I sat down on the bathroom floor, got out the nail polish remover and cotton balls and went to work! About 10 minutes and a LOT of huffing and puffing later I only had two nails wiped clean and I declared that I just can't do this!
Jeff sort of chuckled at me, but when I informed him I was serious and that I would need his help he obliged without too much protesting! He wiped all my nails clean, even though apparently the feel of cotton balls creep him out! (This is news to me. I didn't realize cotton balls were something that could give you the heebee-jeebies, but he says the crunchy feel of a dry cotton ball is like nails on a chalk board to him!)
As if that wasn't sweet enough of him, when I declared that I couldn't have plain nails he even painted some clear polish on them for me! (I requested clear so that it won't be noticeable when I need a polish change... I don't plan on subjecting him to this again. Haha!)
He went with me to get the car seat inspected, to ensure we were installing it properly and went with me to a breastfeeding class offered by the hospital! He never complains about these things. He just does them. He supports me and humors me.
Sometimes I take him for granted, but I don't ever mean to. He's really great to me - he really is my best friend. It's the little things that he does that make me so thankful that I have him, by my side, for the rest of forever. ♥
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)