Sunday, August 8, 2010

It's the final countdown!

OK..... update from my breech baby post... Madeline isn't exactly swimming in her amniotic fluid anymore. There's not enough to make it safe for my OB to attempt to flip her manually via the external cephalic version... and truth be told, I don't believe that there's enough for her to turn on her own anymore. (The Dr and high-risk ultrasound tech say the same thing, and for once I don't think they're full of crap.) At 38 weeks pregnant you'd expect to be able to measure between 10 and 25cms of fluid around the baby on an u/s... when the high risk u/s tech measured my fluid levels she only could measure 6.8cms. Not low enough to be considered a life-and-death risk (that's below 5cm) but definitely too low to try to move her from the outside. There's not a lot of cushion around her... she's no longer swimming in the deep end, it's more like she's wading ankle deep in the kiddie pool.

So, if you've been following along you know that that means I'm destined for a c-section.

At first I was really really upset about it. I felt defeated and like I had somehow failed at the whole 'growing a baby properly' task I had been given 9 months ago. I cried, a lot, in the Drs office. I cried while telling my mom. I cried while updating friends via text. And I tried to not get defensive when people all tried to console me with silly comments such as;

"At least you know her birthday ahead of time!"

"At least your hoo-ha won't get messed up!"

"At least you don't have to worry about ruining your car/bed when your water breaks."

"At least you'll get to milk-it after she's born because you'll get to have everyone do everything for you!"

"At least you'll get to stay in the hospital for longer... the more time you can spend there, means less of your own laundry and food will be used."

Et Cetera.

I know people were genuinely trying to make me feel better, but really - it didn't help. I was heartbroken that I would have to have major abdominal surgery in order to safely bring my child into the world. It meant that I would have to be dependent on others after Madeline is born instead of being able to just get up and do what needs to be done. It means that I would be stuck in the hospital for 3-5 days when all I want to do is be home starting our new life with our new daughter. (It's a hospital for goodness sake, not the Hilton!) And I would have gladly traded all those "comforts" to be able to do it naturally.

But, after a day of feeling horribly defeated I started to look for positives.

Madeline is still healthy and safe inside of me. She made it full term. She will be ok. I will have a healthy baby to bring home with me in just over a week.

As of now, she still has enough fluid in there to 'breathe' and thrive. (I go back in to the high-risk u/s office on Monday and Thursday to monitor her fluid levels. If they drop below 5cm I'll have to be sectioned asap. Low fluid levels become dangerous because the baby can compress the umbilical cord and essentially suffocate because they can't get any oxygen through a squished cord.)

I do get to know when she'll be here, so I have time to prepare to the best of my ability. I'll be able to have one last date night with just Jeff and I as a married couple sans child(ren). I'll be able to leisurely take a shower and relax the night before the cesarean section. I'll be able to double and triple check my hospital bag to make sure I have all the essentials. I'll be able to take some last minute photos of my belly. I'll be able to cuddle my puppies as much as they'll let me for the last time before they have to share me. (All of this is contingent on the fact that she doesn't decide to come sooner, on her own, before the section date.)

I've had time to clear my head and put together a cesarean birth plan to (try to) ensure that while it's not my ideal birth, that it'll still be the best that it can be.

And, again, I'll have my perfect, healthy, wonderful, beautiful daughter in my arms in one short week.

In a week's time I'm going to be a REAL mom! I can't believe this pregnancy is almost over! I can't believe I'm going to meet Madeline so soon! I can't believe

I'm ready for this all consuming love that I'm about to experience. I'm ready to meet my daughter.

I'm ready. ♥