Sunday, August 8, 2010

It's the final countdown!

OK..... update from my breech baby post... Madeline isn't exactly swimming in her amniotic fluid anymore. There's not enough to make it safe for my OB to attempt to flip her manually via the external cephalic version... and truth be told, I don't believe that there's enough for her to turn on her own anymore. (The Dr and high-risk ultrasound tech say the same thing, and for once I don't think they're full of crap.) At 38 weeks pregnant you'd expect to be able to measure between 10 and 25cms of fluid around the baby on an u/s... when the high risk u/s tech measured my fluid levels she only could measure 6.8cms. Not low enough to be considered a life-and-death risk (that's below 5cm) but definitely too low to try to move her from the outside. There's not a lot of cushion around her... she's no longer swimming in the deep end, it's more like she's wading ankle deep in the kiddie pool.

So, if you've been following along you know that that means I'm destined for a c-section.

At first I was really really upset about it. I felt defeated and like I had somehow failed at the whole 'growing a baby properly' task I had been given 9 months ago. I cried, a lot, in the Drs office. I cried while telling my mom. I cried while updating friends via text. And I tried to not get defensive when people all tried to console me with silly comments such as;

"At least you know her birthday ahead of time!"

"At least your hoo-ha won't get messed up!"

"At least you don't have to worry about ruining your car/bed when your water breaks."

"At least you'll get to milk-it after she's born because you'll get to have everyone do everything for you!"

"At least you'll get to stay in the hospital for longer... the more time you can spend there, means less of your own laundry and food will be used."

Et Cetera.

I know people were genuinely trying to make me feel better, but really - it didn't help. I was heartbroken that I would have to have major abdominal surgery in order to safely bring my child into the world. It meant that I would have to be dependent on others after Madeline is born instead of being able to just get up and do what needs to be done. It means that I would be stuck in the hospital for 3-5 days when all I want to do is be home starting our new life with our new daughter. (It's a hospital for goodness sake, not the Hilton!) And I would have gladly traded all those "comforts" to be able to do it naturally.

But, after a day of feeling horribly defeated I started to look for positives.

Madeline is still healthy and safe inside of me. She made it full term. She will be ok. I will have a healthy baby to bring home with me in just over a week.

As of now, she still has enough fluid in there to 'breathe' and thrive. (I go back in to the high-risk u/s office on Monday and Thursday to monitor her fluid levels. If they drop below 5cm I'll have to be sectioned asap. Low fluid levels become dangerous because the baby can compress the umbilical cord and essentially suffocate because they can't get any oxygen through a squished cord.)

I do get to know when she'll be here, so I have time to prepare to the best of my ability. I'll be able to have one last date night with just Jeff and I as a married couple sans child(ren). I'll be able to leisurely take a shower and relax the night before the cesarean section. I'll be able to double and triple check my hospital bag to make sure I have all the essentials. I'll be able to take some last minute photos of my belly. I'll be able to cuddle my puppies as much as they'll let me for the last time before they have to share me. (All of this is contingent on the fact that she doesn't decide to come sooner, on her own, before the section date.)

I've had time to clear my head and put together a cesarean birth plan to (try to) ensure that while it's not my ideal birth, that it'll still be the best that it can be.

And, again, I'll have my perfect, healthy, wonderful, beautiful daughter in my arms in one short week.

In a week's time I'm going to be a REAL mom! I can't believe this pregnancy is almost over! I can't believe I'm going to meet Madeline so soon! I can't believe

I'm ready for this all consuming love that I'm about to experience. I'm ready to meet my daughter.

I'm ready. ♥


Amber said...

You are going to be such an awesome Mom!!! You are going above and beyond to make sure she has the best possible everything, already. I can't wait for you to meet Madeline and have that feeling that only moms can understand! :)

Tamara said...

I love how you look at the bright side. You are going to be such a great Mommy and it's going to be soon! Then again, she may very well surprise you and turn on her own yet. I'll keep my fingers crossed and say a little prayer that however and whenever she enters this world that it is the most magical moment for all of you! <3

RenderMeMama said...

<3 You have an awesome look on it sweetie. You are going to love having her on the "outside" so much that you won't care how she got here. K was a scheduled induction date and while it wasn't the birth I really wanted, I have to admit, it was kind of nice to have that "day" in mind. It was nice to be able to have that last few days to spoil D and date Tommy and get everything squared away. I look back on those last pictures and wonder how I ever got that big! It was nice coming home to clean house too. lol. I didn't have that with D.

Keep your chin up hon. You have found the positives and they are awesome. Just like holding Madeline will be. I would say though, if your doctor didn't, take your hospital bag with you to your fluid checks. That way you won't have to wait on someone to bring it or Jeff won't have to leave if you have to run to the hospy to take her quickly. Thats something I wish someone had told me with D.

If you need any help with breastfeeding or a shoulder, you have my number (I think). I can't wait to see her gorgeous little face!

Holly - Mama Torrico said...

It sucks that you won't get the birth you wanted. Period. End of story. You can be sad. =]

I'm glad you're able to just accept it for what it is, but it does break your heart a little. I remember how I felt when they told me Collin would be a c-section baby.

I commend you for looking on the bight side! She will be here before you know it!!!

Denise said...

Hey, at least your hoo-haw will still be the same!!

haha that one made me laugh.

I'm so excited for you guys!! She'll be here SOOO SOON!!!!!!