Madeline's favorite things

I have yet to write up Madeline's birth story because for one thing it all happened so fast that my head was spinning, and for another thing - no one made it clear just HOW out of it you are in the weeks following the birth of your first child. She will be 4 weeks old tomorrow and I have NO CLUE where the time went! I will say though that I'm so over the moon in love with this baby, no one could have prepared me for how intense this love would be. Now that she's here I can't imagine life without her. ♥

Much of her first four weeks of life has been spent trying to figure out what makes her happy... or even, what makes her less pissed... this is what I've found so far:

1.
BumGenius all in one cloth diapers. We have 16 newborn sized BG cloth diapers that get used and washed in a 24 hour rotation. We used disposables while I was in the hospital and for the first week we were home since I couldn't reach into the washing machine to do the diaper laundry (thanks to my c-section incision) but they left her little thighs rubbed raw and they irritated her belly button, and because disposables are so absorbent it made it hard to tell how many wet diapers she was having per day - which as a first time, breast feeding, mom that is something that stresses you out if you think your child isn't have enough wet diapers. She and I have been much happier with the BG cloth diapers!! They're WAY cuter and doing one extra small load of laundry a day isn't a big deal at all - and SUCH a money saver! cha-ching!

2.
Aden+Anais swaddle blankets have been a lifesaver! The muslin they're made out of is the perfect material for a summer baby, born in Las Vegas! They're lightweight and breathable, but super big so I can get a good, tight, swaddle on her. Madeline likes to sleep with her arms up above her head, but what she likes and what is good for her are different things. When she's older I'm sure she'll do plenty of sleeping with her arms above her head, but for now in her 4 week old life she can't. See, she still has a pretty strong startle reflex and if you leave her arms free she jerks and flails her arms around any time a sound scares her and it wakes her up. She feels more secure and sleeps for solid chunks of time if she's swaddled. A baby who sleeps in solid 3-6 hour blocks of time at night makes for a happy Mommy. :)

3.
Fisher-Price Ocean Wonders Seahorse. It's like a modern day glow worm and it's damn near magical! We can lay Madeline down drowsy, push this seahorse's tummy and magically she lays there quietly until she falls asleep. Sure, I may have to push his tummy 3 times in a row, because the minute the music stops playing she starts stirring and coo-ing her self into a fussy mess, but as long as it plays until she's asleep she's a happy girl. When we first brought her home she liked when we SSSHHHHHed in her ear when she was upset, but it doesn't work like it used to. Now, unless she's in full blown melt down mode, we can start the seahorse's music and it calms her down enough to bring back the happy baby we both love so much.

That's pretty much it, so far. She's starting to sleep less in the day (and more at night, thank goodness!) so we're going to have to start doing more to entertain her during the day. I'm sure we'll figure out more of her favorites in the coming weeks and if there's anything that really stands out I'll be sure to let you all know...

I'm really looking forward to the next month or so when we'll be on the look out for her first REAL smile, and to the holidays! I have the sneaking suspicion that the holidays are going to mean so much more now that we have our sweet Bean to share them with!! ♥

Oh, and just for good measure - a sweet picture of my sweet girl.

By the way...

♥

It's the final countdown!

OK..... update from my breech baby post... Madeline isn't exactly swimming in her amniotic fluid anymore. There's not enough to make it safe for my OB to attempt to flip her manually via the external cephalic version... and truth be told, I don't believe that there's enough for her to turn on her own anymore. (The Dr and high-risk ultrasound tech say the same thing, and for once I don't think they're full of crap.) At 38 weeks pregnant you'd expect to be able to measure between 10 and 25cms of fluid around the baby on an u/s... when the high risk u/s tech measured my fluid levels she only could measure 6.8cms. Not low enough to be considered a life-and-death risk (that's below 5cm) but definitely too low to try to move her from the outside. There's not a lot of cushion around her... she's no longer swimming in the deep end, it's more like she's wading ankle deep in the kiddie pool.

So, if you've been following along you know that that means I'm destined for a c-section.

At first I was really really upset about it. I felt defeated and like I had somehow failed at the whole 'growing a baby properly' task I had been given 9 months ago. I cried, a lot, in the Drs office. I cried while telling my mom. I cried while updating friends via text. And I tried to not get defensive when people all tried to console me with silly comments such as;

"At least you know her birthday ahead of time!"

"At least your hoo-ha won't get messed up!"

"At least you don't have to worry about ruining your car/bed when your water breaks."

"At least you'll get to milk-it after she's born because you'll get to have everyone do everything for you!"

"At least you'll get to stay in the hospital for longer... the more time you can spend there, means less of your own laundry and food will be used."

Et Cetera.

I know people were genuinely trying to make me feel better, but really - it didn't help. I was heartbroken that I would have to have major abdominal surgery in order to safely bring my child into the world. It meant that I would have to be dependent on others after Madeline is born instead of being able to just get up and do what needs to be done. It means that I would be stuck in the hospital for 3-5 days when all I want to do is be home starting our new life with our new daughter. (It's a hospital for goodness sake, not the Hilton!) And I would have gladly traded all those "comforts" to be able to do it naturally.

But, after a day of feeling horribly defeated I started to look for positives.

Madeline is still healthy and safe inside of me. She made it full term. She will be ok. I will have a healthy baby to bring home with me in just over a week.

As of now, she still has enough fluid in there to 'breathe' and thrive. (I go back in to the high-risk u/s office on Monday and Thursday to monitor her fluid levels. If they drop below 5cm I'll have to be sectioned asap. Low fluid levels become dangerous because the baby can compress the umbilical cord and essentially suffocate because they can't get any oxygen through a squished cord.)

I do get to know when she'll be here, so I have time to prepare to the best of my ability. I'll be able to have one last date night with just Jeff and I as a married couple sans child(ren). I'll be able to leisurely take a shower and relax the night before the cesarean section. I'll be able to double and triple check my hospital bag to make sure I have all the essentials. I'll be able to take some last minute photos of my belly. I'll be able to cuddle my puppies as much as they'll let me for the last time before they have to share me. (All of this is contingent on the fact that she doesn't decide to come sooner, on her own, before the section date.)

I've had time to clear my head and put together a cesarean birth plan to (try to) ensure that while it's not my ideal birth, that it'll still be the best that it can be.

And, again, I'll have my perfect, healthy, wonderful, beautiful daughter in my arms in one short week.

In a week's time I'm going to be a REAL mom! I can't believe this pregnancy is almost over! I can't believe I'm going to meet Madeline so soon! I can't believe this.is.it.

I'm ready for this all consuming love that I'm about to experience. I'm ready to meet my daughter.

I'm ready. ♥

Breech

Madeline is a stubborn girl with her own agenda and is making it known to me now, that SHE is in control of things around here - not me.

Her position was first noticed/mentioned at a follow up ultrasound appointment that I had at 31 weeks pregnant. The Dr. causually mentioned "Hmm, she appears to be breech... BUT don't worry, she still has plenty of time to turn to the head-down position."



Telling ME not to worry about something is pointless, so when I got home I immediately looked into the policies/laws regarding breech births in my state as well as exercises and techniques I could do on my own to try to persuade her to flip into the correct position sooner than later.

My Dr will NOT deliver a breech baby vaginally. Neither will any of the midwives in the organization that my doula is a member of. None of the hospitals I contacted would knowingly deliver a breech baby in their facility. I was beginning to panic. While some people may suggest that I have an unassisted homebirth, or just wait until I'm in VERY active labor (read: ready to push) and then just show up unplanned at the hospital and give birth vaginally because there is no other option - those options aren't right for me or for our family. I'm a planner, and I was a girl scout for my entire academic career - so I'm way too honest to lie/omit my "plan" and just wing it once I'm in labor.

I immediately starting doing two different inversion techniques found on www.spinningbabies.com to try to help her flip to head-down on a daily basis.

This one I do for 20-30 minutes at a time with an ironing board and it KILLS my hips:


This one is much easier, but I can only do it for about a minute and a half before I can't breathe and my face starts to go numb:


So far, neither has worked. I'm currently 36 weeks, 3 days pregnant. Typically, babies should be in the head-down position around week 32. I've heard many-a-success story about babies that flip at 37, 38 or even 39 weeks of pregnancy... but with every day that passes and her head remains JAMMED up into my ribs I worry that it's just not going to happen.

I will have another ultrasound next Wednesday and if she's STILL breech my OB will check if her umbilical cord is long enough, if she has enough amniotic fluid surrounding her and the general health/condition of my uterus to see if I qualify for her to attempt to manually flip Maddy via an External Cephalic Version.

the upbeat music kills me

*IF* she attempts the ECV, it is truly a last ditch effort to give me the opportunity to have a natural birth. But, it is not without risk. I would have to be admitted to the hospital, put on an IV and monitored JUST IN CASE all the pushing and prodding puts the baby into distress, or in extreme circumstances if it breaks my water.

Statistically, ECVs are successful about 53% of the time. Not great odds, I know. My Dr. said that in her 12 years of practicing she's performed between 150 and 200 ECVs and has been successful about 70% of the time. She said that she's never had the ECV attempt induce someone's labor - or break their water - but did make it clear that it doesn't always work, and it may be a bit painful. I'm hopeful that she'll flip on her own before then, or that the ECV will work if/when I go in for the procedure.

*IF* she just REFUSES to flip, I will have to have a c-section. Something that I'm not wanting, or looking forward to, but I understand that I'll do what I have to do to ensure that Madeline is born in a safe, healthy, manor.

So... that's what's been going on with us lately. I hadn't wanted to mention her breech position before now because I thought I might jinx something if I did... but now that I'm ALMOST full term (Hell-o?! I'm full term in 4 days!!!) and we're running out of time - and room - for her to flip on her own I figured I'd suck it up and explain the situation thats going on in case I end up having a c-section.

I'll keep ya posted. ;)

I'm a lucky girl!

As I'm sure any 8+ month pregnant lady will tell you, pregnancy eventually becomes pretty uncomfortable. Especially if you're 8+ months pregnant in the summer. Especially if you live in Las Vegas where it's normal for it to be 110*F in the summer.

I've never been a summer girl. I've always gotten wilty in the heat. I just can't deal with it being THIS hot. Now that I'm 8+ months pregnant I REALLY can't handle the heat. I'm sweating non-stop, my temp seems to go from 0-60 in 2 seconds of stepping outside, and it usually takes me over an hour to cool back down.

There's only so much you can do to try to stay cool. You can only wear so little clothing before it's indecent, and when you're pregnant it's even harder because you want to stay looking modest. Let me point one thing out - these elastic belly panels in maternity pants are NO BUENO when it's summertime!! You can only eat so many popsicles before your unborn baby goes into a sugar overload! And we don't have a pool.

Well, we DIDN'T have a pool. Jeff bought me a little kiddie pool!! It's only 5'5" across, and you can only get about 2' of water in it, but it's still a pool!! I now have somewhere to lounge around and cool off! I'm a much happier girl when I'm not overheated!!





Jeff is more than happy to lug the pool out of the house, put it out back and fill it up for me when I just can't take the heat any longer. He has no interest in getting in it with me (lol!) but sits outside - in the heat, no less! - in a patio chair to keep me company! I'd love to make it a family affair, but Rambo doesn't have any interest in "swimming" with me either. Roxanne however loves the pool!! It's not deep enough for her to actually swim, but she tries!! She slow-motion swims/marches in the water around in circles trying to catch the waves. haha! She also goes snorkelling underwater to try to "catch" the label on the bottom that warns you that you can't dive into the pool. (Thanks for that, warning label. If it weren't for you, I'd totally try to dive in!) She's pretty funny in the pool, and she also enjoys cooling down in there!


mid-shake! action shot!!



We're both so thankful that Jeff loves us enough to get us a silly pool! ♥

8+ month pregnant women will also tell you that there are things you just can't do for yourself anymore.

Case in point: painting my toenails has become IMPOSSIBLE!!!

I hadn't painted my nails since my baby shower and they were in desperate need of a polish change!! So, yesterday I sat down on the bathroom floor, got out the nail polish remover and cotton balls and went to work! About 10 minutes and a LOT of huffing and puffing later I only had two nails wiped clean and I declared that I just can't do this!

Jeff sort of chuckled at me, but when I informed him I was serious and that I would need his help he obliged without too much protesting! He wiped all my nails clean, even though apparently the feel of cotton balls creep him out! (This is news to me. I didn't realize cotton balls were something that could give you the heebee-jeebies, but he says the crunchy feel of a dry cotton ball is like nails on a chalk board to him!)

As if that wasn't sweet enough of him, when I declared that I couldn't have plain nails he even painted some clear polish on them for me! (I requested clear so that it won't be noticeable when I need a polish change... I don't plan on subjecting him to this again. Haha!)

He went with me to get the car seat inspected, to ensure we were installing it properly and went with me to a breastfeeding class offered by the hospital! He never complains about these things. He just does them. He supports me and humors me.

Sometimes I take him for granted, but I don't ever mean to. He's really great to me - he really is my best friend. It's the little things that he does that make me so thankful that I have him, by my side, for the rest of forever. ♥

I'm blaming the hormones...

I'm going to sound like a crazy person to most of you, I'm sure... but I've got to get this off my chest since I've been thinking about it for a few weeks now...

I've feeling sad and guilty that Roxanne and Rambo aren't going to be my babies anymore once Madeline gets here.

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[I'll wait for the sound of you all smacking yourselves in the foreheads to quiet down before I continue with my explanation...]
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Here's the thing: we really spoil our dogs. We don't have the mindset of "oh, they're just dogs!" like many people have.... no, these dogs are our babies.

They're both so different, and I love them both so much in such different ways.

I've never seen a dog so happy, as Roxanne is when I come home. She runs to me, jumps up to my hand to give me a kiss, bounces around my feet, runs in front of me while I walk down the hallway, jumps onto the bed, gives me more kisses, does her happy bark a few times and wags her tail with so much enthusiasm that her whole butt shimmies while she waits for me to put down my purse and the mail so I can pet her and scratch her armpits - that's her FAVE!

When I'm laying in bed - reading or watching tv - Rambo can't wait to cuddle! But first! First, he has to go and find me the *perfect* toy to bring me to show me how much he loves me. If my life was set in "olden times" and I lived in the wilderness, and Rambo was a wolf instead of a jack russell - this scenario would be similar to him bringing me his kill for the day. I'd sit down on the fallen tree by the fire and he'd run into the woods and bring me the jack rabbit he'd killed "for" me earlier in the day. Back to reality: when I get situated in bed, Rambo runs down the hall and comes prancing back with "Freddy the Fox" or "Don King" or "Mikey Mouse" in his mouth, his ears pressed back against his head - so proud of himself - and jumps onto the bed and gingerly drops his "kill" on my lap. He waits for me to exclaim, "Is this for me?! Thank you so much my boy!!" and then he happily curls into a ball nestled into my side.



Our dogs love us tremendously, they know that we love them... they're very confident with their "place" in our pack.

And I worry that they will feel replaced once Madeline is here. I know that the focus undeniably will shift off of them onto Maddy, as it should, but I worry that it'll hurt their little puppy feelings.

In the mornings now, after I've hit snooze for the maximum number of times, I roll over toward Jeff's pillow and know that I'll find Roxanne laying with her head on his pillow mimicking a human's sleep position. I reach over to her and scratch her belly. She stretches a BBIIIIIIGGG stretch and rolls over to face me. I tell her Good Morning and I mention that I, too, am not a morning person, but I HAVE to get up.... she seems to understand and slowly starts to get up as I do. I do this every morning. But as the Big Day gets closer I find myself getting a little sad about the fact that "her spot" will be taken by my adorable baby girl. I can't wait for that to be a reality, but I know that I will miss my time with my sweet Roxanne.



I know that the dogs will adjust. They will accept their new places in our "pack" and they will be fine. I just hope that the first few times I have to say "No, Rambo! That is not your blanket to lay on!" or "Drop it, Roxanne! That's not your toy!" that they turn away and keep their little heartbroken faces to themselves, because I don't know if I'll be able to take it! :(

(If I'm this bad now.... I can't even imagine how I'll feel when baby #2 is on the way! lol)

Nursery preparations

Being 32+ weeks pregnant I'm definitely "nesting" but I'm unable to really set up her nursery. See, we're renting a house right now where the lease is up in August. With me quitting my job we need to move into a cheaper house as soon as we can to save money. We're [most likely] going to be renting my boss' house. The problem is he's waiting for a new home to be built - and it won't be ready until September or October. So, we can't move in until then. Madeline is due in August... so she'll be here before her nursery will.

You're probably thinking "why don't you just set up her nursery in the house you're living in now?"

We could, and would, if we were going to be purchasing nursery furniture. But, we're not because the same boss that we're going to be renting from has two young children who've NEVER used their nursery. He said that if we could use it - the crib and changing table - that he'd rather leave them behind than bother with moving them into their new house or selling/donating them. I love free stuff, so we're totally taking him up on his offer. It just makes it difficult to "nest."

I have crib bedding - but I can't set it up. I have diapers and diaper cream - but no where to set them up. I have nursery decorations, but no where to hang/place them. We are getting a 5-drawer dresser from a friend, so at least I'll be able to put some things away - we have a million receiving blankets, swaddle blankets, socks, bibs, etc. I'll also be able to put her new piggy bank on the dresser along with her Twilight turtle... so it's a start, but it's not a cure for my nesting urges.



I had all of her clothes shoved into a set of Rubbermaid drawers because I didn't see the point of hanging them up in our spare room's closet since it's still just a spare room and not her nursery... But, this weekend the nesty feelings got overwhelming and I just HAD to wash everything and hang it up. I don't know if the act of putting stuff away was therapeutic, or if it was the fact that I could finally step back and take inventory - but I feel more prepared now. I know we have enough clothes in every size; newborn to 1 year. Obviously, we'll add a TON to her wardrobe as time goes on, but now I KNOW that she has enough newborn and 0-3 month sized clothes so I don't have to panic about that. (Phew!)
[Side note: I always said I wanted a boy, I was convinced this baby WAS a boy, I used to daydream about little overalls and swimming trunks - but looking at Madeline's girlie clothes hung neatly in the closet makes me go "aaaawwww" ♥ I'm really excited to meet her and put her in these cutesy little purple and pink onesies adorned with hearts and flowers.]



Then, there's my favorite nursery project that I had been looking forward to doing since I found out we were having a girl: Name Art!! We searched high and low at local craft stores for wooden letters we liked, but couldn't find the "right" style font or the "right" size for what we wanted, so I was forced to search online. Online I found plenty letters that were both the right style and right size, but the wrong price - wooden letters are apparently pretty expensive. [Note to self: Jeff has a jig saw... he should make a hobby of cutting out letters to sell!! Cha-Ching! haha!] I finally found an online store that had the letters at the "right" price so I quickly placed an order and after over a month (slowest shipping EVER) I finally got them in the mail and they were PERFECT! :o)

My mom took me with her to pick out the fabric for Madeline's crib bedding that she so generously offered to sew - and I picked out this fabulous fabric with bold and bright shades of pinks, greens, oranges and yellows in a loud floral pattern! Yesterday we went to the craft store to pick out paint colors to match and found PERFECT color matches. We bought spray paint for the base colors and small tubes of acrylic paint for the flower details. I'm not even close to being able to call myself an artist, but regardless I really like how they turned out!



I think they'll really bring the nursery together when I hang them above her crib! ♥